Loving you isn't easy but, it isn't supposed to be
by hippi9099
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are in a Dom/Sub relationship. Warning there is mature content and trigger warning. If you like the story please let me know so I can keep writing it. I am really sorry for not updating in so long but, I really want to finish this story. If you have any ideas for the story please leave a comment or PM me. Thanks for reading.
1. Chapter 1

"Blaine"  
It's not a question but, a plea.  
Kurt looks at Blaine's feet just a few centimetres out of reach.  
"I'm sorry I disobeyed, I won't do it again"  
"I didn't know, please don't hate me Blaine"  
The feet make their way to the door and as they pass through Kurt's heart sinks.  
He turns onto his side and curls up into a ball. As he lays there he recounts  
what brought upon the end of his world.

'KURT'  
'KURT WHERE ARE YOU?'  
I've checked everywhere, Kurt where are you?  
Blaine ran from one end of the house to the other turning it over in the process.  
'KURT'  
Falling to his knees he put his face in his hands.  
'Kurt wherever you are please come back to me safe'  
After what seems like days Blaine hears a car pull into the driveway. As the keys  
go into the door Blaine gets ready to yell and scream but, what he sees next takes  
all the air out his lungs.  
'Kurt?'  
Kurt looks up from the floor and regrets it.  
'What happened to you?'  
Kurt crys, his tears falling down his face and making wet spots on his shirt.  
'Kurt!'  
Kurt looks up from the floor again, his eyes wide and red starts to talk  
but, they come as chocked sobs.  
Blaine moves towards him but, Kurt backs into the door.  
He falls to his knees in front of the door and he doesn't look up at Blaine.  
'Kurt tell me what happened to you now!'  
He starts to sob again but, this time his words come out more clearly.  
"I was at the mall, I wanted to get you a birthday present and surprise you when  
you woke up but..."  
*Sobs*  
"When I came back out to my car...  
there was a group of men leaning on it...  
hah... I thought if I unlocked my car and it made that beeping sound they would get off  
but, they didn't they just kept standing and I didn't understand why"  
"I walked towards the car and they came towards me...  
"I'm sorry Blaine I didn't mean to break the rules, I just wanted to surprise you."  
Blaine's face got red and it seemed as though steam would come out of his ears,  
I was scared by the thought of what he might do, I didn't want him to stop loving me.  
'Tell me what they did!'  
I didn't want to tell him but, his eyes where smouldering.  
"They...they...they raped me sir"  
My eyes fell to the floor and all of the air in my lungs was emptied out onto the floor.  
"Blaine"  
It's not a question but, a plea.


	2. Chapter 2

I was once told by my father that all good things come to thoes who wait so, that's what I did. I waited for Blaine to come back to me, I spent days on my side by our bedroom door waiting for Blaine to remember  
I exsisted again. I would cry at night as I lay there cold and disorenated. All I wanted was to be dead, he hasn't touched me in days, come to think of it I don't even know if he's here right now or when he was here last.  
A sound coming from the closet stirs me and for some reason I feel whole enough to go and see what it is.  
Nothing. It's like I was hearing things and sadley it wasn't the last thing that made noises but, wasn't really there. Later that day I heard Blaine calling me from the living room, I ran to my master  
kneeled at the foot of the couch and waited but, after a few hours I opened my eyes and there were no feet in front of me nor the fimiliar shadow his body would cast on the floor. Tears seemed to fall from  
my face like a facuet that had been left on, forgotten of it's constant running.

BLAINES POV  
I wanted to kill everyone. I wanted the entire would outside our door to ignite and be consumed by flames, I wanted nothing more than to hold him close and wipe away his tears but, when I moved towards  
him he cowered. He cowered. He was afraid.  
I didn't know what to do for him, he just layed by the front door for hours. Luckily I work from home so, I didn't have to leave him home alone but, I was worried the tile would be to cold so I put him  
in our bed. I went back to put a plate of food on his side table but, he was by our bed room door. He just cried. I would leave food for him on his side table but, when I returned I would find it untouched.  
I didn't want to hurt him, I fought back every urge to touch him. Over the next few days I would find myself calling him but, he just stared at the floor lifeless and empty. His face brought me to tears after  
a week. Hollowed out cheeks and dark circles under his red rimmed eyes. He was going to hate me for it but, I had to do something.

KURTS POV  
I didn't know what to think when it happened, at first I thought it wasn't real but, then it happened again. Someone was holding me and they were so warm, I snuggled close to the warmth and hoped it would  
stay forever. I did. It seemed as though it stayed with me for days but, then it spoke.  
'Kurt'  
'Please don't lay here anymore, I can't stand seeing you here on the floor'  
'You are loved' 'Please remember you are loved'  
Blaine  
I tried so hard to make words come out but, they just run into the walls in my head making jumbled sentences all in my brain. I didn't know what to do to let him know how much I needed him. I started to cry  
it seemed as though it was all I could do was cry. He held me tighter and sang to me.

'Hush now my baby  
Hush now my love  
The angels are watching  
From heaven above  
They know that I love you  
They know that it's true  
I'll stay here beside you  
Whatever you do  
When I wake beside you  
I feel like I shine  
I wish you forever  
And ever be mine  
A new day tomorrow  
When you open your eyes  
You let in the sunshine  
And all darkness dies'

He kept singing to me until he fell asleep wrapped around me. I was so tired but, I wasn't ready to remember. I couldn't help but, go to sleep.

KURTS DREAM

'Your a dirty slut aren't you?' 'We saw you go into the mall and we knew you were a perfect little slut'  
An unknown person's member was penetrating me, it felt like it would never end.  
I screamed and started to bite but, they just hit me over and over. I had never felt so much pain before.  
All six of them took turns, stealing a piece of me. I cried, I had only ever prayed to God once. When my father was in the hospital I decided when I thought he might never wake up I would pray. It worked  
he woke up and it seemed as though I should do it again.  
"Please dear God save me-  
'Awww isn't that sweet listen guys the little faggot is praying and, here thought gay prayers weren't real.'  
'Listen here you whore if you tell anyone about this, then what I am about to do will seem like a treat compared to what I will do to you'  
He cut me. No he marked me, when they let me go I got in my car to cry and clean my wound but, I regret ever even looking at it. On my abdomen in jagged letters spelled 'WHORE' My body began to shake  
He will never want to touch me again, He will never love me again.

KURTS POV  
I had to get away from him before he saw it, I couldn't let him see it. I tried to pull away but, I was so tired I don't even think he noticed my struggles. I started to scream. When he didn't move I got  
scared, maybe theres something wrong, maybe he is hurt, maybe it isn't Blaine. I screamed for help for what seemed like hours until finally I passed out and everything when black.

BLAINES POV  
I couldn't tell what he was doing, he seemed to be shaking. What woke me up was thrashing like someone was being tourted in my arms. He was dreaming and I tried to wake him up but, he wouldn't wake so,  
he just layed there thrashing and crying as I watched him unable to help. It made me feel as though he was being raped all over again and all I could do was watch. After a few hours he stilled, it seemed  
as though he had fallen asleep again. I picked him up and carried him to the bathroom. I drew a nice warm bath and set him on a chair leaned up against the door. I silently thank my dad for being  
a horrible person and insisting I take nursing for four years. I have to say if it wasn't for him, Kurt would be in a hospital. I hook up the tube to his nose and push down on three plungers. I was terrified  
the first time I did it, I was scared it wouldn't work and I had hurt him but, after talking to a physician over the phone, she confirmed he would be OK. I was pressured many times to bring him in but,  
I said he would just be scared and sad. I didn't want to do that to him again. I undress him and put him in the tub. Softly scrubbing his body clean again, then I saw it again. That disgusting word carved  
into my precious lover. I could barley bring myself to sew it up. I cried as washed him silently wishing that with every soap sud the dirty memories and scars would be taken away but, they stayed.  
I carry him into our bedroom wrapped in a warm robe from the drier and lay him on our bed. I use a towel to dry his hair as I sing to him.

'Hush now my baby  
Hush now my love  
The angels are watching  
From heaven above  
They know that I love you  
They know that it's true  
I'll stay here beside you  
Whatever you do  
When I wake beside you  
I feel like I shine  
I wish you forever  
And ever be mine  
A new day tomorrow  
When you open your eyes  
You let in the sunshine  
And all darkness dies'


	3. Chapter 3

Kurts POV

I smelled lilac and peppermint, I must be dreaming because I haven't bathed in forever. Blaine and I first started dating he bought me a really special gift I've always been allergic to a lot of fragrances I love you I like being one of them, for our first month anniversary he bought me a special soap set it was lilac and peppermint. I was the first fragrance set I had that didn't burn my skin leave red blotches. He was always really thoughtful about everything you did, it's funny because in an unexpected way when he was supposed to be being his harshest he was the sweetest. I have dreams about the word on my stomach, sometimes I wish I was dead because then I know he never see it. I wish we could just pretend it never happened and things could go back to the way they were before but it doesn't work that way, it's funny how much trouble a gift can get you into.

Blaines POV

I am going to talk with him today, I know it will be hard but I need him back and I don't want to have to involve a hospital. I can do this just be gentle, you can be gentle.

"Kurt"

No answer, why isn't he answering me?

Kurt honey please answer me

"Blaine?"

Yea honey I'm right here, your alright now, your safe.

I need to be punished!

What? No! I'm not punishing you!

Yes, you have to it will make me move on, it's my fault this happened I should have listened to you and not left without you. You told me it wasn't safe and I didn't listen, it's my fault.

Your insane, this isn't your fault! I am not going to punish you, everything that has happened to you was out of your control.

Blaine I need you to punish me, I need you to tell me what I did wrong and make sure I never do it again.

Kurt, I love you and I would do anything for you but, I'm not going to do that.

"It's just as I feared, you don't love me anymore. You can't even stand to look at me can you? I don't blame you after what they did who could ever want me?"

I didn't want to do this but, I have no choice he needs me and I have to save him. I love you so much Kurt!


	4. Chapter 4

BLAINE'S POV

Kurt looked like he was sinking. Soon I would lose him forever if I didn't do something to help him. I didn't want to punish him but, if I didn't he would think I didn't love him anymore, punishing him will help bring him back. I closed our bedroom door and locked it.

'Kurt'

He sat up on his knees eyes to the ground, his tears stopped and he waited patiently. I couldn't do this I needed help, I couldn't help him but, he needed me I had to help him. I took a deep breath and kept repeating it in my head (If you love him you will be his master and help him.)

'Strip down to your underwear.' For the first time in three years, he stilled, I was astonished he'd never done that before.

'Now Kurt' This time he stood undressed folded the clothing next to him and got back on his knees. His body was shaking like he was crying but, he didn't let one tear leave his eyes. I wanted to throw up, all I wanted to do was hold him and kiss him and call him beautiful but, he didn't need that. His body was malnourished two months of almost no food had taken a toll on him body, his eyes were red and had purple circles under his eyes, worst of all, that terrible word on his stomach.

'Kurt what are the rules of the house?' My voice sounded harsh given his current state but, his shaking stopped like he was relieved. His voice made me want to cry dry raspy and terrified.

'To ask you for permission before I leave the house, make sure I call when I arrive and when I leave, never go out of town alone, and eat everything I am given.' He knew every rule he had broken including not eating what I gave him while he lied on our floor practically dying. His voice got calmer the longer it spoke. This next part was going to be the most painful not only was I going to have to use physical punishment but, I was going to have to resort to caging for at least two days. I wanted to die.

'What should your punishment be for disobeying your master so severely?' Kurt was ruthless I wouldn't have been surprised if he had been thinking about this punishment since he first sunk into the floor.

'Twenty lashes for breaking the rules and four days caging for causing such disharmony in the home.' I didn't agree with him at all but, I couldn't be as lenient as I wanted to so I settled for logic.

'Because you disobeyed me you are in too bad a shape for more than five lashes but, to compromise you will be caged for a week only let out to eat and use the bathroom.' His face seemed to relax he was content with this punishment and I was happy because I didn't know how I was going to do that.

'Go to the wall Kurt and wait.' He quickly faced the wall pulling down his underwear as well, I forgot that I had made that a rule. There were big deep purple and green bruises on his ass I started to get angry, I couldn't hit him like this.

'You will wait do not move!' I unlocked the door and went to the living room, I sat down on the couch and started to cry. I wanted nothing more than to hunt them all down and kill them in the most painful was possible but, all I could do was cry and hope I had enough strength to help Kurt and soon.

KURT'S POV

I knew he wouldn't agree to the punishment, I knew he wouldn't because I didn't weigh enough and I am sure the scar on my stomach didn't help. I had always struggled with weight issues ever since middle school, girls in my school did it to get guys attention so, I thought maybe it would work the same, it did, this time instead of ignoring me they would beat me up. Blaine made me promise I would stop doing it because he loved me to much to watch me slowly waste away. When he first told me to undress I panicked I sat there for a minute and then I did it but, I didn't want him to see the scar. It was inevitable, unfortunately. When I pulled down my underwear I was ready for the sting of the lash but, instead, he stalled and I knew better but all I wanted to do was cry. I was pulled out of my thoughts when he returned locking the door behind him.

BLAINE'S POV

'Kurt you will keep count and if you do not we will start over.' I waited to see him nod and grabbed the cane from our chest, when we had sex I would use the pink whip he bought but, this was punishment and therefore I had to use the cane, his skin was going to bruise and welt and I was not happy about it but, it had to be done.

'Count off'

THWAK His body convulsed we haven't had to use the can in forever not since he was first battling anorexia. His body was not prepared his porcelain skin was already starting to bruise.

'One' His voice was drenched in pain I could feel the agony in his word.

THWAK

'Two'

THWAK

'Three' His body was shaking he looked like he was about to collapse but, I knew Kurt I had to finish or this would never end.

THWAK

'FOUR' He never shouted during punishment he was in so much pain. I made sure the last one counted because if I made it light he would be able to tell. I love you, Kurt I could never do this if I didn't .

THWAK

'FIVE' as soon as he said it he fell to the floor out cold. I ran to him and held him in my lap rubbing his head and placing kisses on his check.

'I love you so much Kurt nothing could ever change that, don't ever think otherwise, you are my world.'

After a few minutes, he came to and looked at my eyes. I kissed him on the lips and a few tears left my eyes.

'I can't lose you baby. You are everything to me.' He started to cry but, there were not the same tears from before, he looked relieved. I thought to myself we will get through this, we are going to be ok.


	5. Chapter 5

**_So very sorry about not keeping up with regular updates but, I am hoping to a least update once a week and if I can more I will. Please enjoy the story._**

 _Three Months Later_

Blaine and I were sitting on the couch watching this new comedy special off Netflix when, there was knock at the door. Blaine got up to go answer it, ever since the event he has been trying to limit my exposure with the public, just until I am less of a nervous wreck.

'Hi, can I help you?' I couldn't see who was at the door but, I knew it was a man because of the deep voice.

'Yes, my name is Sebastian, I am here to give you an update on your lover's attack.' I shuddered, deciding it was better to go to the bedroom then listen. I didn't want to hear what he had to say.

 **Blaine's POV**

'Oh, please come in.' I led him to the dinning room table. Sebastian was a tall slender man who seemed almost irritated with me but, I think it must have just been his disposition.

'Well, as you know we have identified the assailants but, we were not able to bring them in because Kurt refuses to testify.' I exhaled sharply, Kurt and I were having a hard time reaching an understanding on this subject.

'Yes, he is very scared, I mean I have a hard time getting him out of the house most days.' He looked at me with concern.

'I highly suggest that he testify, unfortunately this is not the first time these men had done this. Two years ago the same three men that attacked Kurt attacked a young woman named Rachel. Two years before that it was a young man named Puck' I wanted to throw up, how could those men do this to so many people.

'I know how hard it must be for Kurt and like I have said before we can offer counseling for him, if not for his eventual testimony at least for his own sanity.' I clenched my fists, this man was accusing me of not taking care of Kurt I was about to yell when he put his hand on my clenched fist.

'Sometimes we love someone so much we forget that protecting them from the world doesn't make them happy it makes them unexperienced. I can tell you love Kurt very much but, letting him be a shut in is only hurting him Blaine.' I wanted to be angry but, I knew he was right. I thanked him and saw him out. I took a deep breath and said to myself even if the counseling doesn't convince him to testify he will at least be helped. I made my way to Kurt in our bedroom.

 **Kurt's POV**

I don't know why I did it. I knew as soon as Blaine saw it he would be mad, it all started a month after my attack. I would feel like I am right back there being touched all over again and when I would come out of it, I will have cut myself again. There was blood everywhere and I was worried I couldn't make it stop, I heard the door click open and then everything went black.

 ** _Blaine's POV_**

'Goddammit Kurt' I ran to the bathroom when I heard the shower running. He had taken to far this time, it all started with scratching and then soon he was cutting. I turned off the water and picked him up and put him on the bed. I grabbed the kit in the bathroom with Kurt's name on it, I couldn't stich it up. I called 911 and kept pressure on it, he cut to deep to not call this time. The blood just wouldn't stop.

'911 what is your emergency?'

'Hello, I need an ambulance immediately my boyfriend has hurt himself and he is bleeding.'

'I will send an ambulance sir but, it could be up to 30 minutes all our vans are on call.'

'Are you fucking kidding me?' I hung up the phone and grabbed the ace bandage, gauze, and disinfectant. I poured on some rubbing alchohol stuffing with gauze and wrapping it in the ace bandage tight enough to keep pressure. 'Your going to be ok baby I am going to make sure your ok.'

I carried Kurt to the car and strapped him into the passenger seat I ran around and started the car to get to the hospital. While I was driving he started to come to a little.

'Blaine, we were are we?'

'I have to drive you to the hospital because you cut too deep, the bleeding won't stop they may need to give you some blood.' He looked so scared but, this was for his own good.

'I..I..so' He passed out and I started to speed. I called 911 again this time, alerting them I was coming.

'Hello 911-

'My boyfriend has seriously hurt himself, I think he needs more blood, I am driving to the hospital I should be there in ten minutes, I am driving a red convertible.'

'Yes sir I will let the hospital know, please be careful.' I hung up and kept talking to Kurt maybe it would help him not float away from me.

'Do you remember the first time we met?' I laughed.

'You were spying on our show choir and I knew right away you didn't go to school there.'

'I remember how long it took before we started dating.' I could feel the tears rolling down my face.

'Kurt, please don't leave me, I need you.'

We pulled into the emergency entrance where there was, a stretcher and three nurses waiting. They took him out of the car and while the valet parked my car, I followed the stretch into the hospital and onto the fourth floor. I sat in a chair next to his bed watching as they gave him two pints of blood put a glue on his scars, wrapping them up in gauze and a bandage. After an hour of worry and chaos in the room, the pace slowed and I fell asleep.

Kurt's POV

I felt so tired but, something noisy was going on and I couldn't quite place it. I opened my eyes and the room was all right and sterile. I smelled that familiar smell of sadness and penicillin, I looked around the room trying to find the noise. It was Blaine he was fast asleep in the chair next to my bed and was purring, he had always thought it was cute ever since he first slept over, he never snored just purred like a cat. I looked at him and I reached to touch his hand but, my wrists were tied to the bed, unfortunately, this wasn't the first time they had done something like this to me. I sighed and closed my eyes thinking back to when Blaine and I first started our Dom/sub relationship and how for the first time in forever I felt whole.


End file.
